My Toy

I love playing with my toy.
He’s so cute in his squishy diaper.
His little padded butt makes me smile.
What’s underneath makes me as wet as he is.
I love to reach down inside and feel him,
Hot and hard,
Ready to please.

And please he does.
He’s always ready for me,
My eager,
Desperately horny little boy.
My pleasure is his overwhelming desire,
And seeing his desire fans mine.
Watching the only part of him that is a man twitch and pulse
Gives me tingles that radiate from my clit
And spread through my body,
Making me ache for his touch.

But teasing him comes first.
I love how he shivers and moans,
And the way goose bumps prickle his skin under my fingers.
I love to have him spread eagle,
Exposed,
Completely under my control.
I love his giggles when I tickle him,
And how he tries to wiggle away.
I tell him to be still.
He wants to,
But his body fights.
The binds keep him where I want him:
Completely at my mercy.

He is an obedient boy, though.
He stops himself from cumming when I tell him to,
Even when he’s panting and groaning,
Precum oozing out
As his hips thrust involuntarily.
I like to keep him there,
On the edge of exploding,
Again and again.
Each time I try to get closer to the point of no return.
Stroking,
Sometimes fast,
Sometimes slowly,
Sometimes only using my fingertip.

I run my nails along his chest,
Skimming my lips across his neck
And breathing in his scent.
I nibble at his ear
And whisper,
“Mommy loves her good little toy.”
I push my body against his,
My hard nipples grazing his arm
And leaving trails of milk…
Little white dots against his course hair.

I grind myself against his leg,
Moaning and writhing
As I continue to stroke him.
It takes less and less time before I have to stop.
I’m playing his body like a fine instrument,
Every sound,
Every tightening muscle telling me something…
How long can I prolong his torture?

Finally I allow a release,
But not a full one.
I move my hand away just as he starts to reach his climax,
And  watch the ribbons of his cum spurt across his stomach,
And pool in his belly button.
It was just the faintest touch of my lips against his that set him off.
I scoop up his cum and feed it to him,
Smiling as he greedily swallows it down,
Thanking me and begging me for more with his eyes.
Insatiable boy.

I give him my nipple,
Swollen and red,
And let him drink the sweet nectar
While I pat his head.
But I’m too excited and ready to burst.
I straddle his face,
Making him lick my pussy
And drink my juices.
Cum and piss,
He gulps it all down
Like the dirty fucktoy he is.
When he needs to go,
I let him use his diaper.
Good little boy.

I need his throbbing cock inside of me,
So I take him.
But as I lower myself onto him,
I remind him that he doesn’t get to cum unless I say so.
I make it difficult, but not impossible.
I rock and sway,
Move up and down,
And make myself cum again.
I give him a small break if he needs it,
Pausing just long enough for him to regain a little composure.
But not much.
My pleasure is the goal, after all.

It is so much fun to play with him!
I lose hours and hours
In that bed with him.
We’re sticky and wet with every bodily fluid there is:
Cum, piss, spit, milk, sweat, even tears of pleasure.
Good sex is never clean,
And my toy is a messy boy.

Sexy Times 

Last night was amazing, with the promise of more to come.  We had sex three times between heading to bed together and waking up in the morning.  Every time was fantastic, but it was that first one that set the tone for everything else.

I had my little boy back, and I got to tease him and hear him moan.  I got to hold him and love him and peek into that sweet, sexy, childlike part of him that melts me in more ways than one.  He left me in a puddle, literally and figuratively.

We’ve had a decent sex life in the last few months, but this was different. It was a flash of magic. It wasn’t just a physical activity, though there was plenty to enjoy physically.  I felt myself connecting with him in a deeper way, and I couldn’t get enough. I was ravenous for him.

I think he’s my addiction, but in the best possible way. I want him constantly.  I can lose myself in him.  Everything fades away except him and me and our bodies and warm, comfortable, delicious feelings. I was sick, tired, and at the end of one of the most difficult days I’ve had in a long time, but none of that mattered. None of it even existed in those moments.

He’ll always be my number one.  Always.

Motherhood Changes Things… And Doesn’t

It has been far too long since I made a post here, but life has been speeding along.  We have a son now, and those first few months are a swirl of changes.  For a while it was difficult just trying to function while dealing with little sleep, learning to breastfeed, and all of the other things that come with having a small human 100% dependent on you.

Things are different, but they’re becoming less difficult.  I’m adapting and finding time to savor things and get back to feeling like me apart from being a mom.  Except there is no me apart from being a mom…

Sure, I still have my job (which I started back to a few weeks ago).  I’m still a wife.  I am still a sexual, kinky woman.  But I’m always a mother, even when I’m away from him (which honestly still hasn’t happened that much).

I still have the urge to wear diapers and engage in age play and other kinky things.  Unfortunately, I haven’t had much time and energy to do that over the last few months.  I wore a diaper for the first time since giving birth just last weekend.  I could only wear it for an hour or so before the baby was fussy and I was leaking and I had to stop everything and give him a bath and feed him.

It felt great to be back in a diaper, even for that short time.  We’ve also dabbled a little in age play stuff again.  There have been a few “good boys” or “Mommy/ Daddy” exclamations during sex.  There has been some breastfeeding.  It’s definitely not to the extent that things were before, though.  I kinda miss it.  That dynamic was something that felt really right and comfy and great.  It’s something I hope to explore again when sleep deprivation isn’t as much of a factor, and the baby is napping more consistently.  At least he’s now in his own room at night, which has definitely opened things back up a bit.

I wondered if changing what seems like a hundred diapers a day for my baby would make me feel differently about wearing them myself.  For the most part, it doesn’t, though.  It’s a completely separate thing.  Just like being a Mommy to my husband is very different from being a mom for my son.

I do feel like motherhood has given me a deeper appreciation and understanding of what it takes to be a Mommy and what a little boy needs.  It has certainly made me want to stop, breathe, and consider the little boy inside of my husband who needs love and cuddles when I get frustrated with him.  The job and stress and responsibilities of being an adult and father and provider only mean that he could probably use the snuggles even more.

Learning to handle my stress when my son is cranky or fussy and I don’t know what to do to help has taught me that I can take a step back in other situations to get perspective.  Someone in one of my mom groups said to remember when the baby is crying and clingy that they aren’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time.  I think that can apply to adults sometimes, too.  So, I’m trying my best to consider that when I’m feeling stressed and exhausted and having a hard time, my husband probably is, too.

I’m definitely not perfect with it, and I know I’ve snapped at him some.  I don’t think as much as when I was pregnant and soaked in hormones, but I do think some of that tender, motherly love started slipping away with my husband that made the dynamic so sweet.  The innocent, beautiful love and sleepy baby cuddles with my son have started to remind me of the same little boy that’s inside of my husband…  The little boy who is vulnerable and loves completely and needs to feel loved and special and cherished in return.

It’s difficult to describe how much has changed while also staying the same.  It’s like adding an extra layer to my life that is separate but also part of the whole…  It is like the last layer of a cake that makes it finished and pretty without really changing the core makeup or flavor.  I suppose I truly understand what the phrase “icing on the cake” means now.

Changes

As my body changes and my pregnancy moves along, other things are changing, too.  Adding another person to our family will cause even more big changes. Many of those changes will be wonderful, but without care and deliberate effort, there could be undesirable changes, too.

Physical intimacy, touch, sex…  These are all important ways for me to feel connected and loved.  Simple things are incredibly meaningful to me – like the feel of my fingertips on his skin, a hug, the way his body responds to my touch, the sounds he makes, the passion conveyed by his tongue in my mouth.

One of my biggest fears surrounding having children is that some of those things might get lost.  Or overshadowed.  It happens in pregnancy for so many people. I wasn’t too worried that my husband’s attraction to me would change.  We’ve talked enough that I know he finds pregnant women and all of the things associated with them (the baby belly, bigger boobs, breastfeeding, etc.) sexy and feminine.

But I didn’t know if *I* would feel sexy.    There’s nausea, fatigue, aches and pains, and crazy hormones.  I read so many things from women who said that they lost their sex drive completely.  There are frequent, casual posts on baby forums and reddit about women who go weeks and months without sex.  No urges, no desire, and a complete disregard for what that means to their marriage.  Of course, there were also a few on the other side who said the second trimester made them constantly horny.

Thankfully, I didn’t fall on the low to no desire side of things. The nausea sucks.  So does the hip and pelvis and back pain.  I get hot and short of breath quickly, plus I have near-constant heartburn.  But I still love being touched and having sex.  I don’t think I’ve noticed a huge spike in my horniness, but I’ve always had a high sex drive as it is.

Seeing and feeling how sexy my husband thinks I am when pregnant has had a very positive affect on me.  Even on days when I don’t feel sexy, don’t feel very good, and don’t feel particularly horny, I want to be close to him.  I want to touch him and love him and make him feel good.  That makes me feel better, and it’s something I can control.  I certainly can’t change the negatives in my pregnancy, but I can focus on the positive things in my life and put my energy there.

So lately we’ve found a new dynamic that feels right and hot and fun.  I’m becoming a Mommy early.  We’re exploring a reversal in roles.  We’re starting new routines.  We’re enjoying cuddle time and diapers and sex in different ways.  And it’s great.

As scary as change is, the changes happening now are good one.  And they’ve given me more confidence that our relationship is strong and will only keep growing and strengthening as it goes on.

 

Chilling

Lately I’ve been really enjoying getting home from work, putting on a diaper, and relaxing on the couch with a huge amount of water.  I’m pretty sure that’s how I’ll be spending the entire weekend.

The weather is getting warming, which has made me want to strip down more at home.  Although the house basically stays the same temperature, the sunshine and flowers and sight of the breeze blowing outside makes me happy.  I want to live in a light t-shirt and a diaper.  It’s just so comfy and fun.

I’ll be on my own for a few days this week because my husband is going out of town.  I know I’m going to end up super horny.  Probably doubly so because I’ll be in diapers every night. It’s not that I wouldn’t be horny at all if I didn’t wear them, but they always make me feel especially sexual.  Better extra horny than to deprive myself, though.

As far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason to stop myself from wearing if I feel like it.  And recently I’ve been feeling like it more.  Other than the weather I can’t really put my finger on why, but it doesn’t matter.  I’ve got the supplies and the resources and the ability, so I’m going to keep taking advantage of those things and enjoy it.

Errands

Today on my lunch break I had to stop by the library to renew my card.  It’s an annoying annual requirement to go in once per year in person in order to prove that I still live in the county.  I’ve been needing to do it for about two weeks so that I can get access to all of their free audio and electronic books online.  Today I was headed out to drop off the taxes with the accountant and since I was driving by, I decided to stop.

My diaper was already pretty darn full by then. It was threatening to pop a leak at any second.  I could have changed before I left, but I love when it gets full and warm and squishy, especially on a rainy, cold day like today.  What was even better was peeing while standing there going over tedious information with the sweet old librarian.  Another lady came in and stood behind me in line while I filled my diaper even more.

I really wasn’t all that aware of peeing until the warm sensation hit my inner thigh and I realized the leak that had been looming sprung.  It was just a tiny one, and I have on my black maternity jeans today, so no one could tell.  Although leaking isn’t my favorite part (despite my username), I do love getting right up to that point and pushing the limit a little more.  Especially when it spices up a mundane event like working, a meeting, or running errands.

After I got it wrapped up I still had to make the trip to drop off our taxes before I could head back to the office for a change.  Getting in the car after both stops was especially nice because I managed to fill myself up more than normal.  It’s always a bit of a struggle to get full use out of each diaper because the tendency is to fill up the front to the point of leaking before the back gets much of anything.  Today I was able to conquer that problem by leaning back in my desk chair and tilting my hips up as I peed several times.  Not flooding and instead letting out slow trickles whenever I felt the slightest urge also

Today I was able to conquer that problem by leaning back in my desk chair and tilting my hips up as I peed several times.  Not flooding and instead letting out slow trickles whenever I felt the slightest urge also contributed to a fuller-than-normal diaper.  That meant every time I sat down I got an extra squishy feeling that was oddly satisfying.  I was a little sad to take it off when I got back to work, but by then my little leak had grown (I can’t hold it when I’m diapered, leak or no leak).

It is good to be able to wear diapers more often again, especially early in the week to work.  I got myself an Ubbi diaper pail for my office bathroom.  The opening is a little small for adult diapers (I have to roll them up tight and really smash them in there), but it is pretty good for stopping odors (except for when I open it, but that fades quickly).  Although I don’t share my personal bathroom with anyone, being 20 weeks pregnant does give me a built-in excuse in case anyone sees it and questions me.  Having a baby on the way means owning and testing a diaper pail at work isn’t all that strange, especially since the baby will be coming here with me after maternity leave, at least a bit.

Urges

I can’t wait to get home and get into a diaper.  I am so horny right now, and all I want is the feel of a wet diaper against my skin.

I teased myself.  Unintentionally, but predictably if I had stopped to think.  This morning I put on a diaper under my jeans before I left for work, but I didn’t grab my big purse with extras in it.  I got all puffy and wet and feeling great.  Then I started to leak.  Way too early.  Before lunch, even.  😦

So here I sit with hours left before I can be diapered again and a taste of how wonderful it is fresh in my mind.  Which is just making me frustrated.  And even more horny.

It is building my anticipation, though.  I’ve filled up my big 30 oz. cup, and I’m going to let my bladder get as full as I can bear before I drive home.  It’s going to be a tough 20 minutes or so.  I bet I’ll be squirmy and fidgety.  Maybe I’ll hit a bump or have to sneeze.  Then I’ll definitely leak into my jeans.

As soon as I get home I’m going to get right into a diaper and get sweet release for my bladder.  I’ll let the warmth puddle around and feel the sensation of the diaper wicking moisture away from my clit.  Of course, I’ll be just as wet from arousal as from peeing.

Just thinking about it is making me throb.  The tingling I get, partly from excitement and partly from the confluence of wondrous sensations, makes me instantly aroused.  Especially when all I can think about is how full and wet and heavy my diaper will get.  It will put glorious pressure on my entire pelvic region and send a shiver up my spine.

Maybe I’ll slip my hand down the waistband and feel my slick, puffy lips.  I’ll desperately want to rub myself, to release the pressure that’s been building all day.  But I’d have to ask permission for that.  Daddy wants to know when his little girl plays with herself.  I can’t be naughty.

After all, I’m his plaything.  My orgasms belong to him.  I can’t steal  what’s rightfully his.  More than that, my pleasure only exists for his pleasure.  Knowing that makes me hornier.

We fucked this morning, but I can’t get his cock out of my mind.  I’m such a greedy little slut.  No matter how turned on I am right now or how turned on I will be once I get a diaper on, he’s in control of when, or even if, I cum.  It’s completely dependent on what will gratify him.

I guess we’ll see what Daddy wants from his little diaper slut.

Diaper Day

Yesterday I got to wear almost all day again.  I haven’t done that in far too long.

It was a great, lazy day.  I woke up, got in my diaper, and relaxed on the couch.  I had a nice view of the sparkly Christmas tree that we put up on Saturday.

I stayed like that all morning and into the late afternoon.  With a few changes, of course.

Part of the day I was alone reading, listening to Christmas music, watching Peaky Blinders, and drinking plenty of water.

Then my husband came home, and we watched some football.  And had fantastic sex.  Then wore together for a few hours until dinner.

I miss being able to wear more often, especially during the day at work.  I just can’t handle it.  I tried wearing to work last week, and it’s not a good idea right now.  The trash in my private bathroom only gets emptied once a week.  Even with a scent-blocking disposal bag I still can’t stand the smell in there.  It’s bad enough the next day, but by Friday just opening the door makes me want to puke.

Have I mentioned that I’m pregnant?  Yeah, I am.  Which is fantastic!  I’m definitely happy about that part.  But the nausea and vomiting and intense sense of smell have been a major impediment to wearing diapers.  I’m really hoping that the second trimester will be better.

Fortunate

I can’t help the goofy smile that pops onto my face when I look at him. I feel so fortunate to have found him.

I know Thanksgiving isn’t until next week, but I am grateful for my husband every day.  He’s got a lot on his plate and on his mind, but he always makes me feel special and important.

This morning I felt like shit.  Just completely yucky.  Nauseated and gross and sore.  He snuggled me close and made me feel safe and loved.  After our shower when he was about to leave, another bad wave of nausea hit.  I was just sitting there holding a towel over my face with my eyes closed, trying to breathe and not throw up.  He came and held me and stroked my hair.  I’d been trying not to cry all morning, and that did it.  He’s so kind to me.

After the huge wave passed, he went to make me a plain bagel and open a can of ginger ale to hopefully settle my stomach.  When I tried to eat it and needed to sit down because I was feeling so bad, he sat with me.  He stayed until I curled up on the couch under a blanket, and made sure that I had everything I needed.

I haven’t been as adventurous and wild lately because I’m not really feeling up to it.  I haven’t worn a diaper in over a week probably.  It’s not like sex has dried up, but it isn’t what it has been.  I know there was definitely a boner there this morning that I wish I felt good enough to take care of.  Despite me seemingly giving less, he is giving me so much love and care.

Like I said, I’m thankful to have him every day.  He’s my partner and my better half in every way.  Sometimes I can hardly believe that I get to spend my life with him.